


How Do I Say Goodbye?

by Rhang



Series: Samerik: The AU [16]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bargaining, Bruh it’s rough, But I felt I needed to check in with Erik after that Chapter 2, Depression, M/M, Mourning, My heart is aching on what to tag on this, Past Character Death, Questioning how and why it worked out this way, Reflection, Sorrow, Tears, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-23 12:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14332185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhang/pseuds/Rhang
Summary: I want you to remember me.I want you to remember me. Lean on my legacy until the end of time.





	How Do I Say Goodbye?

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place a week after Please Don’t Take Your Love Away - Chapter 2:Breathless.
> 
> The summary features lyrics from [Timothy Bloom - ' Til the End of Time ft. V. Bozeman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsBz6Cc0SRw). A beautiful song that goes nicely with the fic; helps to soothe the ache. (Seriously listen to the song.)
> 
> Any mistakes are mine.

He didn’t want to move.

He sat on the edge of the bed staring at the wall across the room not sure how he even got up, showered and got dressed let alone took a single breath since he left that hospital last week. Sitting stock still feeling every breath that left his lungs, just praying the next one would not feel as painful as the last. Or feel like a betrayal to him.

His hands started trembling again as he thought about their lives and the memories he was left with. He’d trade it all if he could just have a little more time with him. Just a few more minutes to be with him.

He knew they were all waiting for him downstairs. Pretty sure Sarah was comforting Darlene and giving him space and the time to come down on his own. He couldn’t even look at Darlene today. He knew he if he saw her crying, saw her eyes, the same eyes she’d given her son, Erik would lose it. That whatever semblance of composed he was right now would crumble and there’d be no going back. There’d be no piecing himself back together because he would have to acknowledge he’d never see those eyes again because his husband was gone. That Sam was never coming home and the love of his life was no longer here.

So he didn’t want to move.

He wrung his hands together and rocked himself gently trying to abate the tears. But his fingers rubbed over his wedding ring and he couldn’t stop them. He remembered how he felt at his father’s funeral, how devastated he was sitting there on the first pew facing the casket the whole time.

He didn’t want to move.

“Sam, how could you? H-hhow could you-,” Erik wept into his hands. He didn’t hear the bedroom door open.

But he felt the hand on his back. He looked up and sucked back his tears when he saw Sarah red, and puffy eyed looking down at him. She bit her lip and gripped his shoulder.

He shook his head gently asking for some more time alone. He knew he would eventually have to go downstairs, get in the limo and head to the church. But he wasn’t ready yet.

“Fifteen minutes, then we have to go,” she choked out.

“Okay,” he answered; his voice hoarse from not using it in days.

She left the room and closed the door behind her.

He looked back at the wall across the room and sighed with a heavy heart. He was holding the procession up, everyone had gathered in their home to support him through this but how could he explain he didn’t want to do any of this. The entire past week; he didn’t want to pick out the suit Sam would be dressed in, he didn’t want to pick the casket his childhood love would rest in. He couldn’t voice how wrong it felt to plan his own death while choosing a plot for Sam at the cemetery. Or try to decide what headstone Sam would want as his marker.

He couldn’t explain how he wanted to wake up and have all of this be a nightmare and yet every day the realization was brand new all over again as well as being another day without him.

Erik couldn’t vocalize the constant pain in his chest and weakness he felt. Most of all he couldn’t explain how getting up from this bed would set this day in motion. A day that meant more than these previous ones because today he was expected to say goodbye to the love of his life. He was expected to walk into a church and say goodbye yet again to someone he dearly loved.

Erik felt his throat tighten up at the thought of seeing Sam laying there. He closed his eyes as his heart broke for what felt like the millionth time since he heard the news.

So he didn’t want to move.

**Author's Note:**

> That concludes Samerik: The AU. We’re ending on a sad note, but no need for sorrow, think about all of the laughs, heartfelt moments we had along the way. 
> 
> If you made it to this ending I commend you and I thank you so much for reading this series. It started as this wild ass idea I had while talking with a mutual of mine on tumblr and it turned into all of this. As my first ever stab at fanfic writing I had a lot of fun writing it, posting it and reading all of your comments along the way. Thank you for those and as I’ve probably mentioned a bunch of times, it really does mean a lot to me.
> 
> Come chat with me on Tumblr about the series, tell me which fic was your fave (or air your grievances lol)! You can find me on Tumblr at [@ineffableblack](http://ineffableblack.tumblr.com/). :D Peace yall!


End file.
